Wow. Have you all heard of the word epiphany? Do you know what it means? Have you ever truly experienced it? Well I have. Finally I have experienced what it truly means to be hit square upside the head with reality so hard that you cannot deny the reality any longer. So... if you'll bear with me, I think I'd like to share something with all of you. Please know that this share is not for sympathy, but because I care and I think you could all learn from my mistake. Or at least I hope that at least one person does. Because that would make this post worth it then.
Very few know this, but I have A LOT going on in my life. I have for quite some time. And for the most part I usually keep on top of things. But there are times that things get away from me when outside forces take hold and I am no longer in control of my schedule or what my daily life entails. Trying to keep up with work. One daughter who is in the hospital 99% of the time, and another 19yo who I try daily to be the best parent I can be for her.
Trying to be there for my friends who need me, those who seem down or don't realize just how awesome they are. Still recovering from my two surgeries two months ago. And all the while in this whirlwind I end up spreading myself incredibly thin. And I really thought up until about an hour and a half ago that I was doing a really good job of holding it together. But you know what... I'm not. Not at all. I just came down from a major panic attack and what's worse is, I am not even sure what triggered it.
For days.. no weeks.. okay, more like months now I haven't been sleeping well. Maybe a couple of hours here or there. But it's rare that I will get more than a few hours in a stretch of time. And it's occurred to me that I am NOT taking very good care of myself. At. All. I don't think I have been for some time. And the reason I'm sharing all of this is because I don't want you all to make the same mistakes I have been.